Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
