chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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