Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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