I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
