I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
organizing the empties. That sober.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
