It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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