they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
