I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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