So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
