she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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