youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
should my penis look like a turkey
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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