i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
