I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
