I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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