Jerry, you need to find god
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
