im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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