Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
