I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
