You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
