I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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