The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize