You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
