ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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