3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
