Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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