Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize