Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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