why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
