I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
