He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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