new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
