You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
