there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
