I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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