First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
