She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
FUCK WHALES
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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