I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
