I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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