also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
