i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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