Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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