How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
