Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
