You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
