You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
