I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize