I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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