Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
