yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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