So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
