someone owes me an orgasm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
