Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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