You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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