You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
