you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize