so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
