just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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