I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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