no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is the high leading the old right now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
