he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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