I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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