just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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