i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
