no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
