First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
