Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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